"I like to do things I like to do...and then I like to go home"
Andy Griffith
Andy and Obie visit Myer's Lake...Obie has a fishing pole and a movie
camera... they get out of their truck and stare at the lake...they stare at the
lake... they stare at the lake... they stare at the lake for an uncomfortably long time...
finally Obie says..."I'm goin' fishin"... and walks to the water's edge... but
it suddenly crumbles and he falls into unusually deep water... rapid stuttering montage...
water... weeds... mud... Andy's slack face... the sky... more mud... an Eisenstein type
montage but without the dialectic... mindless, even imbecile... rapid cuts done like by a
maniac w/ a machete... the images wheel fall splash and thrash... but wait!... this can't
be TV... no tape at that time would last through this many rewindings... it's FILM!...
yes, it's Ron Howard's first movie... long thought lost... now you realize why the camera
in his later films is so static... slowly the confusion resolves into what seems to be a
huge floating eyeball and just when you realize you are looking into a periscope the
picture goes blank... cut to a commercial... Wally and Otis are trying to sell aspirin...
Thelma Lou gets her stomach pumped... Andy stares at the lake... he... stares... at...
the... lake... an expression of utter emptiness that he later turns into a string of hit
Christian Music Videos... they think he's starin' at God... Andy is beside himself... he
can't remember where he put the boy... an Aunt Bea's pickles are gettin' warm in the
truck... a crisis is at hand... as he stares at the lake a large hook appears from out of
the water... final retribution for bad acting?... maybe, the hook grabs him by the legs
and drags him into the wet murk... another commercial... Aunt Bea puffs a cigarette...
Helen gets cramps... Morreli's checkered tablecloths come clean w/ Tide... deep underwater
inside Mrs. Mendelbright's criminal lair... her gang of crooks from Big City are there...
Floyd is giving everybody haircuts... Obie and Andy are tied up... Andy stares out a port
hole... Ellie the druggist is also tied up... Mrs. Mendelbright wants Ellie to give her
the secret formula... Mrs. Mendelbright is tired of her strap-on... she wants to have the
real thing... Ellie's formula will give her that... "But we don't do things like that
in Mayberry!" Ellie wails... another commercial... Gomer is eating a jar of Aunt
Bea's pickles... remember that you have to keep them cold... Barney and Goober drive to
the lake in the squad car... the air reeks of warm pickle... something foul is afoot!...
Barney turns around to go get help but puts it into reverse by accident and drives
backwards into the lake... the heavy car hits the lakeosphere and cracks it, forcing Mrs.
Mendelbright to bring it to the surface... Barney frees the prisoners... he is a hero...
the Big City criminals go to State Pen... Mrs. Mendelbright is let go... she still has a
year left on her contract... Barney and Mrs. Mendelbright become lovers... Barney doesn't
like the strap-on but he gets used to it...
...Al
